One Hyundred Thousand

Linda's Hyundai wins the race to 100,000 miles. My Jeep, which we bought the same week, is close behind...

posted by Paul @ 2:07 PM

Are you a Complete Fucking Idiot?

Take this easy test and find out!

1. Do you frequently see a queue of cars in your rearview mirror, but no cars at all in your windshield? If you answered "yes" there is a high probability that you are a Complete Fucking Idiot.

2. Do you find it necessary to hit your brake pedal while driving on highways when there is no traffic ahead of you? If "yes" you should see an optometrist at once and get your eyes checked. And, you are a Complete Fucking Idiot. Make that a double if you do it while going uphill.

3. Do you courteously dim you high beams when you see an oncoming vehicle, only to flip them back on when you're about 20 feet in front of them because you just can't wait until you pass them? Thanks, fuckwit. Now I need to see an optometrist to get my eyes checked.

4. If you see a sign that say "Speed Limit 40 MPH", do you drive 40 kilometers per hour? If "yes" you are probably European or (worse still) Canadian, which automatically makes you a Complete Fucking Idiot.

5. Do you tailgate other vehicles even though they are driving as fast as the vehicle directly in front of them and really have no place to go to get out of your way? C'mon, admit it. And guess what? You are a Complete Fucking Idiot.

6. Do you stop to admire those pretty green lights often found at intersections? Yes? Well, you, too, are a Complete Fucking Idiot.

7. Do you come to a complete stop before turning into an unobstructed driveway, parking lot, or side street? You are indeed a Complete Fucking Idiot.

8. Do you drive a Hummer? Need I say more?

9. Do you drive a crappy Jap car bought for you by your rich but otherwise unfit and inattentive parents, with a bunch of plastic poseur parts bolted onto it and a fat tailpipe inversely proportional to the size of your puny cock, and enjoy proving your superior driving ability by darting across three lanes and back again to advance one whole car length, causing everyone behind you to hit their brakes to avoid rear ending your stupid ass? Congratulations! You are Fast and Furious. And a Complete Fucking Idiot.

10. Do you possess both a driver's license and a cell phone? If yes, there's about a 50/50 chance you are a Complete Fucking Idiot. The odds increase if you drive an SUV.

11. Do you drive a Volvo and refuse to remove that stupid Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker? You are a Liberal. Same difference. Please stay the hell out of the fast lane.

If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, please show mercy on the rest of us and take the fucking bus.

Labels: Commentary

posted by Paul @ 8:51 PM